Only Human
by jasminetiger
Summary: One day Tim witnesses Jason have a breakdown, what he's learned and seen from it has left him shaken. Jason told him to not tell anyone, but what's he supposed to do? Ignore it? NO SLASH WHAT SO EVER THEY ARE BROTHERS. Switched from T to M do to breakdown and drama
1. Chapter 1

**THIS IS NO SLASH IN ANY WAY, ONLY FAMILY and friends.**

 **I don't own batman, such and such, you know, etc. etc.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

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 **Only Human**

 **Tim's Point of View**

It had taken me a while to really reach out to Jason, it was around the time when I had made myself suck up my hard feeling toward him and reason with, what had he been through? Not just with the joker, which would explain enough, but his entire life, his childhood, the streets, his issues were always present, even as robin, especially as robin.

It really wasn't fair, a lot of things weren't, but that didn't make the issue go away, did it? I had always felt bad for Jason, even when he came back as the Red Hood and beat the crap out of me. I knew what he was doing was wrong, and I sure didn't like getting my butt handed to me, but even then I knew it was wrong. Everything about the situation was _wrong_ , so what did I do, nothing.

What was I suppose to do? Well, I'm pretty sure I could have come up with something; better than _nothing._ But I didn't I was confused and honestly the subject was taboo and depressing, better leave it to Bruce, which well… I guess in this sort of situation there were no winners.

I tried reaching out to him when Bruce had gone _missing_ , but we all know how that had turned out. Stupid me; I should have done something more than just shown Jason a video of Bruce saying, who knows what, and then let him be on his merry way, knowing the message had done something.

It was only after I'd discovered Jason had gone psycho, psycho's a harsh word, confused, crazy? Batman, it had been him, that I'd watched the message Bruce had left for Jason, and then again with Dick, and again after Dick had left, it had really upset him, he had told me to stop watching that, before his voice had broke and he ran/limped- from his fight with Jason, up the steps to the manor. He was still upset about what had happened with Jason that week, we all were. I had watched it again, and again, and again, I had watched it until I'd become almost numb to it, leaving it as just a background to my thoughts.

I hadn't let myself think too much on it at the time, because I hadn't wanted to. All I kept thinking was 'Stupid, I was so stupid, this, this-'

I didn't really keep track of my flooding thoughts, because I had set Jason over the edge, it had been 'me.' And now Jason was gone? Missing, yeah, missing, Dick had said he'd fallen off the bridge, but they couldn't find the body, which meant he was still alive. I had to focus on Bruce, not Jason; but the guilt had been unbearable.

But I didn't let myself dwell on that, or the news when Jason had come back, still crazy-broken-, but he was alive, which really helped me to put my full focus on Bruce again, now the guilt had just been some kind of phantom itch.

After Bruce had returned though, the itch got a little strong, especially after Jason had left with Scarlet, still don't know what happened to her, but I'm not sure if I should ask, it could be a soft subject, that I don't want to poke at.

I looked into Jason a lot more and his _past_ , I had already known about it, but that's all, really, I'd _known_ , never thought about it. It was depressing to say the least. Jason was possibly the most damaged out of all of us, but had nobody, did Scarlet count?

I did a lot of studying on PTSD, Trauma, Survivors Guilt, Panic Attacks, RAD, all of it.

During this research it had really hit me, I mean I'd always known, and it'd hit me at times, but it just _really_ hit me, Jason was my brother too.

When I'd done the research and thought about, how _I_ would have felt, if I where Jason, that guilt became a lot more than a scratch, me and Jason had both had it ugly, the difference is, people made a bigger point to show that they cared for me more than they did with him, be true or not; like I said Jason was a taboo subject.

But that only upset me farther, why should Jason be a taboo subject? He shouldn't; yeah, he brought up mixed depressing feelings, and every time someone tried to help, they only seemed to make it worse.

Maybe because Jason didn't _want_ to be treated like an issue, maybe he just wanted- wanted… understanding, acceptance? That was the hard part, how the heck do you approach some un-approachable?

How would I want to be approached?

…

It'd been awhile but eventually me and Jason became friends, he's even come back, somewhat, into the fold; apparently you approach Jason with breakfast, among other things, but I thing breakfast had a big part in it.

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 **Well that's chapter one! I hope you enjoyed.**

 **I _might_ make a fic based around Tim's reaction to Bruce's message, to Jason after the big fight from Battle of the Cowl and stuff, or just a fic with that in it, with more detail; 'm not sure.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I switched the rating from T to M and the reason starts with this chapter, due to panic attacks, breakdown, etc. I also changed the summery too.**

 **I don't own batman etc.**

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 **Chapter two**

Jason was dropping by my safe house, in Gotham, tonight, when exactly, I'm not sure. Jason needed some insight on this big crime boss in the Tokyo area; I doubt Jason really needed to come to me to get this information, but it was always nice to hang out… Well, usually… Sometimes… For all I know he can show up in a bad mood and well, that doesn't typically end well. Or he could be in his cocky whatever attitude or just get the information and leave, I never know what to expect from him.

It was two thirty two a.m. when Jason came through one of the windows of my safe house, to be precise. The moment he came barging into my living area I knew something was off; he was being much louder than usual, unlike his usual fluid movements, which he probably had perfected with the All-Caste.

I look up from my casework to inform him that his information is on the coffee table, lower right corner and to better evaluate him. He seems… unsure, I can't really get a good read on his facial expression, due to the red helmet, but can get enough insight from his body language.

He's tense like he's ready to defend/attack at any moment, yet he's putting more weight on his right side. Unlike his usual confident, if slightly slouching, (almost like he's too sure of himself, posture); it seems as though he weren't even sure how to carry himself. His steps are much heavier than his usual light footed strides, almost to the point where he is nearly shuffling them every few steps.

He seems to be on some sort of alert, but nothing I could call him out on, for all I know, he might not even know he was on alert. I catch his head turning slightly to the sides, as if to make sure nobody else where here.

I'm not going to call him out on these things, because for all I know it could be somewhat subconscious and even if I do, he'll just get offensive, I just need to seem relaxed, but be more on guard just in case.

"The case is on the coffee table," I say, trying to sound casual, "Lower right hand corner." He looked at me for a moment before slowly reaching for the report. After he grabbed it he held it in his hands, looking down at it, for a second before he started flipping through it, I can't even tell if he's reading it or not. This is unnerving to say the least, something is obviously wrong.

"So," I say while closing my laptop slightly, leaning further into the couch to portray me getting more comfortable, "Is it what you needed, I'm not sure if I got 'all' the details you wanted, since our conversation was cut short," last time we talked he had seemed busy, and some other guy was talking to him, at the same time, in the back ground, so he was kinda having two conversations at once, it was probably Roy.

Jason stared at me for almost an entire second before saying "Yeah… yeah.. Thanks, just been busy," as he was talking his sentence seemed to get quieter and quieter, to the point where he was almost mumbling.

I gave an easy snicker, why was I so good at faking, "I bet. How's it been with your team anyways?"

He looked back down at the file in his hands leaning it more into his right hand, before gripping it more forcefully with said hand, continually loosening and tightening the grip on the file. "M'kay," he said head still tilted down towards the file in his hand. "There okay," he repeated in a breathy, shaky whisper, at this point I'm not even sure who he's talking to, me or him, or… No.

"Jay," I start cautiously "You okay? You seem…" _lost_ "Out of it." He starts to slowly lift his head in my direction before snapping it up painfully fast.

He's just staring at me and it's starting to make me uncomfortable, because I can't even be quite sure if he is actually, in fact staring at me with that helmet of his on his head. After a few seconds of this he seems to snap out of his, daze? I guess that's what it was.

"Hmm? What? Yeah, I'm fine."

 _Yeah, no you're not._ "You just seem… distracted. I was just wondering if you were okay, or if something was bugging you," I say trying to sound genuine and concerned/casual, not too concerned, because I don't think he'd react well to that, though I can't help some of my genuine concern to break through. This whole situation is making me feel… disconcerted and the feeling's just getting stronger.

"I said I was okay," Jason yelled. _Okay, just remain calm… Something is obviously 'wrong' and Jason is… is…_

Jason's shaking slightly and his breathing is become slightly more labor.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Jason yells, practically throwing the file to the ground, sending papers everywhere. "What?! Huh, What?! Of course something has't be wrong with _me_ , right?! What- Gosh! Would you just-," He's taking off his helmet before he chucks it at me.

I flip over the couch _, what's going on?! Out of everything I wasn't expecting this!_ "Jason! I didn't mean it like that. You need to-"

"No! You need to calm down! You need to get out of my face! I-I-" he's shaking and gasping for air as he continues to yell his lungs out.

What do I say to this? What am I supposed to do? He's freaking out- okay, he's sweating slightly around his hairline, eyes are wide, I can tell even with his mask on, that's covering his eyes, he's breathing heavily and rapidly and having slight body tremors; he's going to have a full blown panic attack, I realize with dread, feeling my stomach drop.

"Jason, listen to me. I don't think anything is wrong with you," _maybe_ "But you need to sit down, before you go into a full out panic attack," I say as calmly as I possibly can right now, trying to get him to actually listen to me – reason.

"No, no! I won't! You can't make me," he yells while letting out a breathy laugh, which makes my skin crawl. "You think I'm so stupid," he says with so much venom I can practically feel the side effects.

"I know you really think! I _know_ what you _all_ think! Who told you to do this Tim," he spits out my name like it's the most vial thing in the word and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"Was it Bruce," just saying the name makes Jason flinch, even though he's the one who said it. "Dick, Damian? Huh, Alfred? Really?! Or was it just you? Yes! You were always the smart one," he says before giving a breathy contorted laugh that makes me feel sick and I think I'm shaking too.

"Don't look at me like that!" he screams. My stomach is jumping like crazy and I think I'm getting slightly dizzy.

"Jason I-"

"No! You don't know anything! You don't know what it like," his voice cracks while he practically sobs.

"You _all_ think I'm _crazy_! You think _I'm_ crazy?! Look at you," he shouts while losing it, almost flinging himself for infuses of his point. I feel perspiration on my forehead as Jason flings off the mask covering his eyes, his half crazed, desperate, angry eyes.

"Look at Dick, Damian, Barbara, heck, look at Alfred- all of 'em!... Look. At _Him_ ," he says with such spite it sends a slight shiver crawling up and down my back, it would have been worse if I hadn't caught myself. I knew who he was talking about; Buce.

"He did this to us! You know that right?!" he lets out another contorted laugh as a tear runs down his face at the same time, and I have to keep myself from being physically sick.

"Of course you don't _know._ For all your smarts, Timmy you don't know!" He yells before his eyes go wider, "No, no- I didn't- Ugh!" Jason grabs his hair with both hands and lets out a strangled frustrated yell and his knees start to give but he keeps himself stand, while shaking and partially hyperventilating.

 _I need to do 'something'_ I think while quickly making my way around the couch and over to an unstable Jason. Though as I get closer I start to get more cautious, _I want to help him, not make this worse._

"Ja-" I say, slowly reaching out to him.

"No," he yells, voice so… broken. "No, stop! Stop it, NO! I just can't- " He starts hyperventilating even more so now.

"Jay, you need to si-" I start while trying to ease him into a sitting position on the ground before he loses it, after I attempted this.

"No, I said no!" he yells while flailing his arms and shoulders out of my grip and jerking his body away from me. Before I can properly react he turns/spins his body to where it's facing me and kicks me _hard_ in the shin. I falter slightly but catch myself preparing for what might come next, but he's no longer focused on me.

He's jerking his body back around in almost uncoordinated/animalist motions while absently trying to push me away, while looking around wildly. Mumbling "I said no, I said no, I said no-" along with other things I can't make out, but I recognize he's slipping between Mandarin and Arabic too, something he probably used a majority of his time with The League of Assassins and the All-Caste.

I'm breathing slightly heavy myself from the adrenaline.

"Jaso-"

"AHHH!" he screams while gripping his head and grabbing handfuls of his hair and falling to his knees on the ground. Still screaming he jerks his head forward but it accidently hits the coffee table on the way down making him scream more, making me flinch.

 _Oh gosh, what do I do?_ I'm starting to feel my palms sweat and I quickly, vigorously wipe them across my jeans.

I go to wrap my arms around him, to grab him, so he won't cause more damage and maybe calm down, but before I can he's already standing up, still screaming and yelling 'No,' lifting and then flipping the coffee table over, sending files and paper everywhere, good thing it's made of wood and that my computer was laying on the couch.

I quickly go to grab him and manage to grab his left forearm, but he's already collapsing onto his right side, _still screaming_. I hadn't put enough strength behind my grab and he falls to the floor, not even trying to break his fall. He comes really close to hitting his head on the table under the TV, in fact I'm not even sure if he hit his head on it or not and it makes my head spin.

Before I know it I'm at his side trying to calm him down.

He's loosely curling up on his right side sobbing, screaming, and screaming silently, between sobs. He's hyperventilating to the point to where his screams turn silent whispers piercing the air.

I don't think much, and if I am it's happening so fast that I barely register it, I just do. I lift (force) Jason into a sitting position, while supporting him and bending his knees up and forcing him to put his head between them. At first he tries fighting me, but I don't really even register it, I'm whispering what feels like meaningless words of comfort, I don't even know what I'm saying!

After a little bit he stops struggling and tries letting out desperate sobs and trying desperately to suck in air, much too quickly.

I continue to try and calm him down, saying things like 'Breath' 'You're safe' 'You're okay' 'It's going to be okay,' though I'm not sure if things are ever going to be _okay_ again. But then again, in today's society people consider most _everything_ 'okay,' unfortunately.

Every now and then he starts to fight me again, but I don't let him go. This goes on for what seems like hours and I start to panic a little thinking _this will never stop, what am I going to do?!_ But then his breathing starts to calm down just enough for him to start talking often yelling and _screaming_ again.

I try to calm him but he just keeps it up with the screaming and yelling and talking, and 'talk' he does, even if it is incoherent, half the time and slipping between different languages. But I understand him enough. And the things he says,- the things he talks about, the things slipping out of his mouth, they make me sick.

Things about his child hood, his life before Bruce, what he struggled with even in the comfort of the manor, things I'm sure he never told anyone, not even Bruce, which probably only made the struggles worse. Things that happened what he felt and thought about before he died; then about things that he went through after he came back, and things that happened and what he was feeling before he returned and after he returned to Gotham.

Then about what he was really going through after came back and what he thought we had thought about him, and what he had actually thought. That half the time he wasn't even sure what he was really thinking and doing; things that he was struggling with now.

Listening to this made me sick and shake from how upset it made me, and you think you know a guy, and he didn't even tell me everything! I didn't actually think I 'knew' Jason like a book and I had suspected things but to actually hear him confess and talk about it.

After what felt like an eternity Jason's breakdown finally past, he was still shaking, but not as violently, he was no longer yelling, screaming or talking. Hiccups for air were escaping his lips and he wasn't sweating as much. His body was hunched in exhaustion and I wasn't sure of how aware he was.

I stayed behind him still supporting his sagging body and mumbling what felt like empty words of comfort.

After a while ofthis I felt Jason start to shift and I started to tighten my grip again only to realize he was trying to lay down, I would have stopped him, to get him somewhere more comfortable then my messed up living room, but found I couldn't form the words to do so. Instead I found myself trying to help him get into a more comfortable position. After he had finished laying on his right side shifting to get more comfortable I let go of him and made my way in front of him.

After I'd kneeled in front of him my stomach clinched again. His eyes where bloodshot and damp hair still clung to his forehead, from the sweat, there were tear tracks, mostly dried, running all down his face. Dark circles, almost like someone had smeared a marker, where under his eyes and he wore a grim look on his face mixed with despair, brokenness and numbness.

I didn't know what to do what to say, what do you say? I wasn't good at this kind stuff. Though I didn't have much time to come up with something to do/say, his eyes were drooping to the point where I knew he'd be out within three minutes 'tops.'

Before I could think of something to say Jason managed to get out barely audible "Don't tell," before passing out from exhaustion.

I stared at his for a few moments before truly grasping what he had just said, 'Don't tell'?! How am I supposed to _not_ tell?! Not tell _what_?! That my big brother just had a complete breakdown?! What my older brother just told?! That I just spent who knows how long trying to calm my frantic brother?! But deep down I _knew_ what he meant 'don't tell anyone about anything that happened tonight.'

I shakily stand up and look over at my clock to see what time it was 4:48 a.m. All that time and it was only a little over two hours?! Why did it feel so much longer when it was happening?! It still feels like it was longer then a little over two hours.

While standing there I look back down at Jason, take a shaky breath before realizing I was shaking, I still feel as though I might get sick, lightheaded, my heart was pounding and my breathing slightly labored I go up and touch my face, only to find, that I had been crying too.

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 **John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take to heart; I have overcome the world." - Jesus ESV**

 **Matthew 6:34"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Jesus ESV**

 **Hope you enjoyed**


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